The Art of Small Talk

Speaker 1: 0:08

Welcome to Auto Care On Air, a candid podcast for a curious industry. I'm Jackie Lutz, Content Director at the Auto Care Association, and this is Carpool Conversations, where we collaborate on today's most relevant power skills. We are all headed in the same direction, so let's get there together.

Speaker 2: 0:38

So I was gonna. I have to tell you about this joke. Jc said oh god, I told him I was doing a podcast about small talk and I was giving it, like telling him some of the tips that Z said on our pre-meeting. And he, in the middle of the conversation, goes do you know how much? Or do you know how much a whale weighs? And I just like laughed. I'm like that was random. I didn't even answer, I just laughed. And he goes no, do you know how much a whale weighs? And I'm like, no, am I supposed to know how much a whale weighs? And he goes enough to break the ice. I'm like that's such a good one.

Speaker 2: 1:07

Welcome to Carpool Conversations. Today we're talking about small talk, and this topic came from a previous episode that we did about introverts and extroverts, and in that episode the introverts mentioned multiple times that they basically hate small talk. They hate every part of it. They don't know what to say, they don't know how to start it, they don't know how to keep it going. So we had a lot of feedback that that was kind of a and not necessarily just for introverts, but that was a common thing in our audience on LinkedIn was that you know, small talk is difficult for some people.

Speaker 2: 1:43

So I did a survey a while back and asked what was the most difficult part for people with small talk and I had 21% of people mentioned just approaching a stranger is really difficult. They don't know how to do it. 26% said how to keep it going. So once you get small talk, you know once you, once you approach a stranger and then you kind of start small talk, how do you keep it going, Keep them engaged? 34% said um, finding real connection points in that small talk is really difficult. And then 17% of them just lacked interest in general in small talk and I found that really interesting and what I loved was the caliber of people that were answering the survey. You know we had CEOs and presidents also answering the survey. So it's not just a young people thing. I don't think it's just an introvert thing. I think it's just some people struggle with small talk.

Speaker 2: 2:34

So when I get it right, I get it right, I have the two most chattiest people I could think of You're talking about introverts, the two biggest extroverts probably right so the opposite end of the spectrum but I have andrew setzo, director of sales with motor, ad welcome welcome, glad to be here yep, uh, sales guys, so obviously nice and chatty, uh. And then zanita perez I also call her z um, but she's the global head of sales for sensata technologies and uh literally has the nickname of chatty Kathy at work.

Speaker 3: 3:07

And it was interesting. I was telling Jackie last night and we were at dinner and talking about it and I was, like you know, very rarely I'm a chatty guy, of course, like very rarely am I like, oh my gosh, like this person's a talker. But when I said that I said. I was like dude. He took my breath away there for a minute. I was like I had to give her the crown right so. But you know kind of takes one to know one sort of thing. So it was, it was well appreciated.

Speaker 5: 3:29

I'll take it as a compliment.

Speaker 3: 3:30

Absolutely as you should, as you should.

Speaker 2: 3:35

So I would love to just start out because I think lacking interest in small talk is really interesting. So obviously you have to start somewhere, and part of it is just being curious about people in general and I would love to just get your guys' thoughts on small talk where it's taken you in your life, why it's important, why people should entertain the idea of getting better at small talk.

Speaker 5: 3:57

Okay, I'll start, thank you. So I mean obviously it comes very natural to me. I mean obviously it comes very natural to me, but I think, just I've been in interesting situations where small talk is just I've met amazing people. I've had opportunities to actually met a really good friend of mine. We were in line together and, you know, in a long line chatting and I ended up in her wedding. It's very random, I know, I know.

Speaker 5: 4:22

One conversation six months later she's like hey, do you fit in this bridesmaid's dress? So, but it's just really interesting scenarios, and one of the things that I kind of think back to and kind of today's time is Uber, right, so are you the kind of person that gets in the car and just rides to the airport or ride, you know, takes your your destination and are you chatting up the Uber driver?

Speaker 5: 4:48

And obviously I'm chatting up the Uber driver. So so I'm somebody who's getting in the Uber and I'm, you know, hey, how's your day going? You know, do you do this full time? I always kind of try to understand because I find it's interesting. Most people I live in LA and we take lots of Ubers and most people have like a second job or have a second career. So you're finding all these interesting things out about people.

Speaker 5: 5:10

But really quick story I'm in Panama for work and I order an Uber and this really nice car rolls up like a BMW seven series and I was like I don't think that's my Uber and the guy at the Marriott's, like the valet, he goes, I think that's your Uber. So I check the plate and I get in the car and this man's really kind, he's. You know, we're chatting on the way to the. It's like a 45 minute drive to the airport and I did. I said to him I go. I got to say something like when you came up in a seven series, cause been in Panama for the week and you're not seeing these kinds of cars. So, um, and it's funny, in Panama you can put Uber or Uber English. So I did Uber English and you pay a dollar more. Well, so I'm laughing and I said you know, this was the first time I did Uber English. And then this you know, he goes. Well, he's like I own a bunch of Uber cars.

Speaker 5: 5:58

So he started telling me this story about how, in Panama, most of the drivers will rent their cars. And I'm like, oh, okay, that's very cool. So this is like he goes. Yeah, so he goes. So I just I own the company. And then I have like five cars and the drivers rent the cars and today I felt like driving. I'm like, okay, so we're talking and he's asking me about my life, and then he tells me did you go to the Panama Canal? And I was like, yeah, I did the tour. He goes did you do the tour where you're like on the boat with the monkeys? And I said, oh, my gosh, no, that sounds amazing. I don't remember that. I was like I don't remember that. Yeah. So he says, well, look up my tour company. Um, next time you're in the Panama, you know, I'll treat you and your friends to a tour. I'm like, okay, cool, you get to. Okay, wait, wait, wait. He's like this is my name, but when you Google my name, you're going to see something.

Speaker 3: 6:46

Oh boy. And so I'm like, okay, I see something.

Speaker 5: 6:49

Right. So I'm thinking, I'm thinking like and this guy's got a nice car, like what am I? What is this? And he's like no, no, no, google my name. So I Google his name and I Googled the tour company and it says that he ran for president.

Speaker 1: 7:09

And I'm like wait a minute you ran for president.

Speaker 5: 7:12

He goes yeah, just in the last election I was like the runner up and I'm like, why are you driving Uber? And he goes, because sometimes I want to know what the people think. And he's like, and next time I'm going to win. And so then we connected on Facebook and literally his like. On Facebook. It says you know, former presidential candidate of Panama, nicest guy ever. I said no one's ever going to believe this. When we get out of the car, I got to take a selfie with you. So I took a selfie with him and he was laughing. He goes you're hilarious. And he said but you know what? Most people don't get that out of me in a 45 minute ride to the airport.

Speaker 4: 7:44

And he goes.

Speaker 5: 7:44

I said, unless, of course, cause the local Panamanians are not taking the Uber.

Speaker 3: 7:48

Right, right, they're driving.

Speaker 5: 7:55

So they wouldn't know Right. So it was just again very funny random story, but would not have happened if I didn't engage in small talk.

Speaker 3: 7:59

No, and I think I think that's a great point and you know we kind of discussed it on our pre-flight. You know, uber is an opportunity whether it be 45 minutes, 20 minutes, 30 minutes to have a conversation with someone you'll probably never see again in your life. You know what I mean. You can ask them questions, like I said, do you do this full time? Do you have other jobs? And, to your point, I take a lot of Ubers as well.

Speaker 3: 8:21

It's usually rarely is it a side business or this that you know some sort of side hustle or whatever, but it's a great way just to talk to people and you know the small talk kind of getting back to that. I think it's just being curious at the end of the day, right, like just being curious about someone else, and you know, asking questions, that's really what it comes down to, right? I think you and I are naturally curious when it comes to people, and a lot of extroverts are right, they're very kind of curious people and you know, I think at the heart of it, you know, after we all spoke last week, I've been thinking a lot about it, like that's it, right. It's questions, right. It comes down to asking people questions, right. And then he said well, okay, well, I drive, you know, and sometimes you get a one-word driving. What do you mean by that?

Speaker 3: 9:02

Right, so you keep asking questions keep trying to draw out further conversations.

Speaker 2: 9:07

So for somebody who maybe isn't naturally curious about people, how would you recommend that they become more curious about people?

Speaker 5: 9:18

So I think I think, first of all, I think everyone is interesting, even introverts who may think they're not interesting. Right, I'm sure they have a story, I'm sure they have something in their life and most people, like introverts, won't necessarily want to talk about themselves. So back to Andrew's point ask questions and the whole curiosity killed the cat kind of thing. Like find ways to engage. You talked about connection points earlier, so I think the biggest way to build that connection point is to find a common interest. So some of the things that like I do, for example, if I'm trying to break the ice and trust me, some people are hard, some people are really hard, and I kind of find it a challenge because I'm so chatty. But I'm thinking I'm gonna get anybody to chat and so I'll try with a few things like I did this this is a funny story too.

Speaker 5: 10:12

I was trying to do business somebody and I asked him a couple questions and I could not break the ice. And so then I said, well, what are you watching on Netflix right now? And that like changed everything. He was super into shows, and then he goes oh well, I'm watching this. And then all of a sudden, like he just wanted to talk about TV shows and that's fine with me If that's kind of the it worked. I mean, I have a film background but I was, but it was. It was just kind of a funny thing finding that interest Cause sometimes you can try sports, you can try cooking. Do you like to cook? You know I also do this one. Do you have any plans for vacation? Where are you going?

Speaker 3: 10:48

It's a good one. Timing, like, do you have anything for Christmas break, for summer, for Thanksgiving, right? Depending on the timing, like you know, obviously, vegas is a little before things, so there's, you know, natural breaks in there. But I think, too, like to that end, like everyone is passionate about something, right, even if they're an introvert. You just got to find to your point is it, you know, hunting? Is it cooking? Is it Netflix? Is it, what is it? And you know, getting getting to that line of questioning, but even the most introverted person, if you hit that, that passion button, if you will, they will just that shell, just open up, right. And we've all had people where we thought, you know, I didn't think this guy was going to give me any words and all of a sudden they're telling you about this and that One guy's a woodworker and all the things he's built and these things or whatever. Everyone has a passion, regardless of your personality type. Everyone's passionate about something. It's. How do we get there, right? How do we find that?

Speaker 5: 11:39

And to that point, that's what makes you interesting too, though.

Speaker 3: 11:41

Oh, absolutely.

Speaker 5: 11:42

Because your passion. I mean, some people, like you said, are into woodworking and maybe it's somebody you would have never suspected, and you're like, oh, wow, can you show me some of the things you've made, or whatever? And then they'll start bringing up pictures. And that's what builds the trust too, though, because then they're like okay, I like this person, I feel comfortable talking about my passion, you, I feel comfortable talking about my passion. You know, it kind of breaks. I feel like it goes beyond breaking the ice. It helps to that turning that point of building the trust and that, okay, I, you're allowing me to talk about something I love, I'm passionate about, so now I'm more comfortable talking to you about not just this. Then it can lead into other conversations, whether it's for business or school or whatever the purpose of that is. For me, sometimes it's just interesting people. I mean, my background's a little bit different. Before automotive, I went to film school and had a completely different background. So I'm a writer, so I always want to. For me, it's about learning characters.

Speaker 5: 12:41

right, we're all characters in our own story, but we're all characters so fine and there's so many people I've met in life where I'm like, oh my gosh, I got to write this down. They're going to be in my book or they're going to be in my movie, cause that's like that was the craziest personality, or just story.

Speaker 3: 12:57

Yeah, and I think and I think we talked about this too like in this environment specifically you know, we mentioned this on our call before like you know, what do you do when you're not working on the auto parts business? What do you? You're not at leadership days, right. But then a follow-up question. I thought more about this. My next question usually is and if you don't tease, you know that out of them or maybe you get a one word answer like, oh, I like to go fishing.

Speaker 3: 13:17

I'm like, well, you a car guy or gal, right, cause there are a lot of us. You know, I became, like I wasn't naturally a, you know, uh, I didn't grow up working on cars and now I enjoy it and I've learned a lot in my time in the industry. But you know, so that's a couple of easy. You know car guys and gals that you know on the weekends are, you know, busting knuckles and fixing, which is great and in love, and they're very passionate about it and I've learned a lot from them as well. But I think in this you know environment, those are a couple of easy questions. You know you can ask people that you know kind of help them open up and you know, and then you get the one word answer and I usually they give you oh, what do you like to do?

Speaker 3: 13:53

You know, I'll say you know, I love sports. I love, you know, going to the lake. I try to name multiple things, hoping that I catch a fish, right, hoping that I hit on something that resonates with them, like, oh, you like to boat, oh, I have a boat. And then, like you know, and then we start talking about boats or whatever the case may be. So, um, it was, it was kind of and you know, for the listeners out there, we had a, we had a pre-flight meeting and you know we had. I have a very busy background in my office, my home office, and but there's no shortage of conversations and I thought about it and we're using a lot of virtual backgrounds and I was like that's an opportunity that we're missing, right?

Speaker 3: 14:28

So a lot of people have these fake virtual backgrounds and there's an opportunity lost there, Like that, the fact you and I us three talked for 10 minutes about my night suit and my Michael Jordan jersey, and whatever else is in my background, right.

Speaker 3: 14:39

So I think, like there's something there, right, and we do a lot of Zoom calls post-pandemic, you know, I would encourage people to. You know, put some flavor in your background, right, if you're into guitars or whatever, put something that talks about you in the background, where someone can say, hey, that's a cool painting or that's a cool jersey in the background. That's where someone can say, hey, that's a cool painting or that's a cool jersey, or what do you have on the wall? Or you play an instrument, yeah, or you play guitar, right, and so it just allows for natural conversation, right, the icebreakers it helps you with breaking the ice and it's there and it's a visual. So I don't know, it's just something I was thinking about and would encourage listeners to. Maybe, if you can encourage listeners to to you know, maybe if you can. Again, obviously, your virtual backgrounds are appropriate in certain environments, but if you're at home or you're at your office, like, do something with that background, right. Well, what's in your background? What are people going?

Speaker 5: 15:24

to see. That's a good point. You can break ice as if you're in an office. I always. That's your point.

Speaker 3: 15:34

You're in somebody's office, I look for know.

Speaker 5: 15:36

You know and I'm like, oh, is that like you know? Thailand, I've never been there. I have been there. I had this great experience. Or if you see something like a golf ball or something, oh, do you golf? Is that like you know? Is that your kind of hobby that you do on the weekend, are you? Are you good? What you know? What's you know? Asking him questions, are you lying? My dad used to have this shirt. It was hilarious. It said uh, early to bed, early to rise, fish all day and makeup lies. I threw it back.

Speaker 3: 16:02

Yeah, they say a golf is a game where the ball lies poorly, but the player well, ah, I like that.

Speaker 5: 16:11

So, but no that's a really good point. He kind of you know you segued into what I was about to say is that when I go to people's offices I try to look for something. Or even if you're going to like lunch with them and you hop in their car and they're going to drive you to you know you'll, their music comes on right and you're like oh, are you a fan of the Eagles, are you a fan of whatever? But now in this virtual world, everyone's using these virtual backgrounds. So that's actually a really, really good point. So I think for an introvert that's a great piece of advice. Like, put something that kind of shows who you are.

Speaker 3: 16:44

Or multiple things.

Speaker 2: 16:45

Yeah, absolutely it's kind of like giving people hints on how to start small talk with you, right, and actually I get a lot of that with my background, my bookshelf Because, like you know, when I actually see someone in real life who just saw me on LinkedIn, they're always be like is that a real background? Cause it's just a pretty bookshelf and you don't really see that very often, but that's been kind of a conversation starter for me.

Speaker 3: 17:04

Let's see in real life. They didn't know you had legs.

Speaker 2: 17:08

They usually don't know I'm this short.

Speaker 3: 17:12

We're all the same size on Zoom.

Speaker 2: 17:18

So, um, I had a I you know I don't consider myself an introvert. I don't think it's just introverts that that really struggle with small talk. Um, I think I'm more of a mix of the two, but I went. I was surprised at myself. I went to a podcast conference two weeks ago and I shocked myself with how shy I was, like everyone seemed like they knew each other. I'm usually going to conferences in the industry where I know people and I, you know I can find friends.

Speaker 5: 17:39

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 17:41

But you know, at this conference I didn't know anyone, no one knew me and they all knew each other, and it was just really hard for me to like you know was it specifically for podcasters or how many people attended? Um well, I don't know the I probably I'd say like 300, yeah, something like that.

Speaker 2: 17:58

Um, good size. And you know, obviously we all have one thing in common it's podcast. So it seems like it was easy enough to you know, start up small talk. But I really surprised myself at how um shy I was and I just could not seem to approach people. I couldn't figure out how to like work my way in there. I ate ate by myself, you know, in my hotel room.

Speaker 2: 18:21

I found friends the third night, you know, the third day I had. I found dinner, partners and stuff and that was awesome. But, um, I think, approaching strangers, I mean that was first time in a while that I found that actually very difficult.

Speaker 5: 18:35

So how did you do it in the end Cause the first day you were intimidated and you were like, oh no, I don't know anybody.

Speaker 2: 18:41

Yeah, they had like a meetup. So like the meetups were kind of organized into groups that you have something in common. So mine was a business podcast, so I went to that one and one of the guys who introduced themselves had just written a book about personal branding.

Speaker 5: 18:57

Oh, and you're passionate about that? Yeah, and he does a lot of public speaking about it and stuff.

Speaker 2: 19:01

So afterwards I went up to him and said hey, I would love to connect with you. I bought his book and I was like I'm trying to do the personal branding circuit too, so I would love to connect with you. And so then he introduced me to all his friends and buddies. So you know, I actually had a group that night, which was really nice, but I didn't have a connection point right until that point no, I think that's good, but but it goes back to my like, what do you do when you're not auto parts?

Speaker 3: 19:25

like I would say the same thing in that environment, like what are you doing when you're not podcasting? Like, obviously we're all here for a podcast, of course we're at it. What do you do when you're not recording episodes or whatever you you know, and so you can kind of insert whatever to whatever environment you're in.

Speaker 5: 19:37

Right, that's a great question. It's a good icebreaker.

Speaker 3: 19:40

I mean, it's just what, wherever you're at, why are you there? You're all there for a reason. And then insert what do you do when you're not here? Or doing this, right, and that can be used anywhere, anytime. And like you security line with someone at the airport, like you know they're going somewhere and you know, are they dressed like they're going to a football game? They got a jersey on, are they, you know, in a three-piece suit, you know? So there's, there's different clues, like if they were wearing Michael Jordan, you'd be like Jordan. Yes, it's a huge thing, it's a multi-billion dollar industry, and so, you know, I'm a Jordan fan, grew up outside of Chicago, I have Jordans myself. So if I see a nice pair of Jordans, I'm going to comment. I mean, whether it's on the street, I'll just say, hey, nice J's.

Speaker 5: 20:33

And not say another word to this person.

Speaker 3: 20:34

So again To men, women whoever?

Speaker 5: 20:35

Yep, all the time, and when you compliment somebody, it's already kind of breaking a barrier and a wall. So I mean, if I see somebody and I think they're out, what did I do today? I walked up I said Jackie, I like your pants, you know.

Speaker 3: 20:46

I mean I'll tell people hey, I love that jacket, I love your earrings, you have great hair, Sure, sure, yeah, it could be anything and I think, as long as you know, you're kind of genuine about it and people like oh, thank you. And like oh, you know, net, we'll start talking you know I was like, oh, those are the?

Speaker 3: 21:03

those are the last year of the championship. I saw this guy at a gas station. He had the Jordans on. We got into a five minute conversation about Jordan's but he was passionate about it, right, and I just said, hey, I, like you know, I love those J's and um so do you have this big collection of Jordan's?

Speaker 3: 21:22

I do not, I do have a collection no no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, yeah. But I think, at the heart of that, to your compliment, and even looking at the wall in someone's office, that's kind of an old sales adage, right, like whatever's on their wall, talk about it. Which is true. Is it a fish? Is it a golf ball? Is it a NASCAR picture? Whatever, it is right.

Speaker 5: 21:50

You find out they have kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you?

Speaker 3: 21:52

doing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you doing? It's probably summertime, you go anywhere, you have big plans, but I think it's being, you know, kind of pay attention to your surroundings and working with you. Know the hand, you're dealt right, right, so is it okay if you're in an airport? I really only have them right. So it's either their outfit or something. There's not a wall for me to look at and figure out, right, and then oftentimes tag on their bag that says their, you know their company, or they've got an emblem and I myself wear, you know, the motorrad, my motorrad shirt everywhere I go like if I'm traveling for work.

Speaker 3: 22:21

I wear my shirt all the time, you know? First of all, they pay for it, so I don't have to. Secondly, um, you don't have to think about what to pack.

Speaker 2: 22:27

Yes, and, uh like, steve japp is always wearing the same thing every day.

Speaker 3: 22:32

It's easy, it's easy but I think so many people like have came up to me and this happened to me just recently, very specific to our industry. I was standing in line in Atlanta at the airport and I had a Motorrad shirt on and, uh, this lady behind me she goes, hey, motorrad, I know Motorrad. And I'm like, oh, you do. And I was like, how do you know Motorrad? And she's like, well, you know, I work for Mighty. Uh, you know, I'm the director of training. We exchange business cards like, oh, are you here in Atlanta, right, and so you know a lot. I get like, oh, you're here in Atlanta, random, right, and so you know. I get like what is Motorrad? Or who is Motorrad?

Speaker 3: 22:59

or you know just a little word on my shirt. So, you know, I encourage people, you know my team, whatever I was like wear that stuff out there. You never know who you're going to run into right, and it could be a customer that, or someone you wanted to meet, or with a company that're trying to get in with it could be on the elevator with you and you have no idea, that's true. And you, by you wearing that, like okay, they might know the name, or maybe you're involved, obviously your badge, you know it would show that too. But, um, I've had numerous times where people have just been like, hey, what's motor ad? You know, and I'm going to respond back off, you know.

Speaker 3: 23:34

And then here we are off and running, right, but it's really like paying attention to your surroundings, right, it's like. It's like what clues are there? Can you use the shoes? Can you, if you're in the office, use that, right? And then also, I'm also a fan of of you know doing background. I know we said there in the, the online poll, that you know people making this connection, right. So, like, do your homework right. Like, if you're trying to get connect with somebody, talk with someone else about this person, I'm sure you know, it's like six degrees of separation kind of thing. Right, all of us know somebody right.

Speaker 3: 24:05

Or one of your close friends knows somebody that knows this person right. And what are they into? Are they a golfer, Are they a hunter, Are they a fish? So you can be resourceful in that aspect and you don't have to necessarily fly blind.

Speaker 2: 24:17

Right, you can't just run like hey I heard you like you know hunting or whatever.

Speaker 3: 24:20

But you know you can use that appropriately timed once you kind of break the ice and get in there. So you know I think it leads back to curiosity, but but again, you know you can, you can kind of do a little background fact checking, you know, and get some information from folks that may be helpful in a conversation and get some information from folks that may be helpful in a conversation.

Speaker 2: 24:35

I think I always feel like I'd be bothering somebody. So I always wait, like if it's. If I'm in a situation where there's just, like you know, people I could go up and talk to. You know, we're like all sitting around waiting for at our gate or something like that, yes, I could strike up a conversation with the person next to me, but what if they don't really want to talk to anybody you know? So I would be very warm if somebody small talked with me.

Speaker 2: 24:58

But I don't, you know, I kind of wait for them to do that. Like you know, I take the cue from them. It's kind of like when I get on a team's call, I wait to see do they have the camera on or not? If they do, I'll turn it on, if they don't, I'll let you go. So like I just wait for the cues from other people and I think that that it's. You know. I don't know if that's an introverted thing, I don't know what it is, but I think that's partially why it's difficult and I don't know if I'm the only one out there, but it's difficult to start small talk with strangers, because I just don't want to bother anybody networking room and a room where there's a networking event and there's these tables.

Speaker 5: 25:43

Right, we're standing tables, you'll. Usually they have a cocktail hour. So I'll go grab a cocktail, a glass of wine or something and then I'll take it over to a table and say do you mind if I put my drink down here for a minute? And then I can start engaging another do a temperature check, right.

Speaker 5: 25:53

If they're like no, our table's full, yeah, can't sit here. Yeah, then on to the next table. But I think another great area then at that point is obviously introducing yourself. Well, thanking them, introducing yourself, and then I'll look at their badge where they're from, right. So if they're from where I'm from LA, then we'll oh, what part of LA do you live in? I live in LA. And then you start talking. Or if they're from a town I've never heard of, I'm like where is that? Like, what major city would be next to this, your town? You know that.

Speaker 4: 26:22

I would know.

Speaker 5: 26:22

And it kind of just starts because I think that's always a good one too, because people do feel comfortable talking about where they live. It's their environment.

Speaker 3: 26:32

Yeah, it's an easy conversation.

Speaker 5: 26:34

Tell me a little bit about where you're from. Like, I never heard that this town is it? You know? Where is it? What's major city is it near? Are there mountains? Are there, like, what kind of activities? Um, and that's just me being curious, cause I love travel, but I think there's just certain little things that people can try that are not so scary. And again, it's paying attention to your environment, like looking at their badge and saying where are you from?

Speaker 3: 26:57

So I think like the airport where you're headed right when are you headed when?

Speaker 2: 26:59

are you going?

Speaker 5: 26:59

So it's a simple couple of words, right or on the plane.

Speaker 3: 27:02

Yep, on the plane, you know you're stuck with this person for hour or hours maybe, um, you know, again pay attention to those details. But you know being in a situation where, um, you know there are going to be people in times and again that you might try to strike up a conversation and they're, you know, not giving you eye contact or favor. If you're looking down at their computer it might not be the best opportunity. You might want to move on right, Like like I'm going to pass on this one, you know. And so, um, you know, just again reading the room, so to speak, or reading the person and paying attention to those details, and like there are people that are probably trying to bust out a bunch of emails before they get on the flight and don't want to talk to you right so don't try to, don't try to force it, right.

Speaker 3: 27:38

So. So, and that's kind of like jackie and I were talking a little bit about it last night dinner is like it has to be organic. Yes, right, so you can't force anything. And you know, and ultimately say we first met at Apex and I really wanted to meet Z from Sensata but we only had two or three minutes. But I got to know you from California and you used to go to. I got these two tidbits but we didn't really have a full blown conversation. Okay, well, I got to run to this dinner, you got to. Okay, well, we exchanged cars and we run off Right every time at the plate. Right, singles are okay too, right, singles and doubles. And hit those singles, hit those doubles. You know I'm using sports analogies here as a sports guy.

Speaker 3: 28:17

But you get it. You get my point. I think everyone would understand that and take that. And so next time I'm like oh Z, tell me more. I know the last time we got cut off.

Speaker 3: 28:28

I had to run a meeting use again. Like I think, like even I was thinking about, like you're not gonna hit a home run every time, right, and there will be times where you know you meet someone randomly and you end up talking for 45 minutes, like we were talking about, you know, pre-fight last week, right, and that will happen. But you know, oftentimes there's going to be like a close and exit, you know, and then you could, if you want to, you know, re-engage the conversation, exchange information, but you, um, you know that it's a building block right for your next conversation. So I think I think that's important too. Right is is is don't.

Speaker 3: 28:56

Small talk is great and especially cuz I think a lot of people are focused online is like hot. They want to make the connection right, the one that they want to rush. Don't, don't rush it, don't, don't rush the connection, even if you really want to, you want to like have verbal diarrhea all over the person, right? So it's like you don't want to do that, like necessarily. Um, I guess I could have probably stated that a little better.

Speaker 2: 29:16

That was a lot worse than Alex, but it's true, though you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3: 29:20

Like you don't want to come off all crazy Like you just drank 17 cups of coffee, but no, yeah, you get it, you know. So I think like that's the big if you're naturally curious and that's the if you're naturally curious and you get, and that's the thing, if you can find someone's passion cause again, I don't care if you're introverted or not Like if you have the time and you find, through questioning or a series of questions like um, and even like people are like well, I like to work in cars. Like so you work on cars 24, seven, when you're not at auto care events like some do some, do some do like.

Speaker 3: 29:52

Well, no, you know I like to fish too, or like you know I do this or that, and that's the same thing, like, like I said moments ago, like I'll respond with a litany of items you know to hope. Hopefully I can find something where there's kind of grounding time. Oh, you like sports, or oh, you like boats, or whatever.

Speaker 4: 30:06

Whatever the case may be, so hi, I'm mark bogdanski, vice President of Trade Shows and Community Engagement at the Auto Care Association, and I'm thrilled to invite you to join me in Las Vegas at Apex, the aftermarket's premiere show, this November 5th to the 7th. I guarantee you will have an amazing week full of unmatched networking opportunities, access to unparalleled educational sessions, including our enhanced EV stage, our new ADOS and sustainability stages, and our aftermarket shop training. You'll also see a show floor with over 2,700 companies featuring the latest products, services and experiences. This truly is the aftermarket's homecoming and you do not want to miss it. Register now at apexshowcom and I hope to see you there.

Speaker 5: 30:55

I think also, like I think, when people aren't good at small talk, or they just to your point, jackie, they're not interested, maybe they're, they don't realize the benefits of it, right, they might think it's just wasteful time, or you know, or they don't like it themselves right, so they don't like.

Speaker 2: 31:12

There's times I just don't want to talk to people. I think I said on that in that previous episode about introverts and extroverts that I usually put in my earbuds just so no one talks to me. They think I'm listening to something and I'm not. I just don't want to talk to anybody.

Speaker 5: 31:26

And there are times too, like if I'm, I want to get work done on a plane because it's a great time, nobody's, no conference calls, no one's calling me. I mean I, you know, I'll always kind of say hi to the neighbor that's sitting next to me or whatever. But, um, but I think also just understanding the benefits and I'll quit another really quick story. So I have a colleague that she was not in sales. She wanted to be.

Speaker 3: 31:50

I was hoping you'd tell the story.

Speaker 5: 31:57

I was going to hoping you'd tell the story. I was gonna, I was gonna prompt you to tell the story because she was not in sales and she wanted to be in sales and she went to work with me. So you know, we got her into sales and I remember she's a super introvert and part of what drew her to me was we read a trade show in Europe and she saw me engaging with customers and just, you know, I'm just have a big personality and I think this is so opposite from her?

Speaker 5: 32:16

Yeah, a little bit, but so opposite from her and she came up to me and said you know, I really want to work with you because I feel like I could learn from you, and I think it was purely from the fact that we were so opposite and so we ended up working together. And I remember several meetings where she wasn't ready to present. She's kind of watching me how I kind of work the room and you know, I always try to have some little funny bits and you know, sure, sure, and I've had some moments here where I'm like, oh, they're not laughing at my jokes.

Speaker 1: 32:42

Okay, move on. We've all been there.

Speaker 5: 32:45

Yeah, but the irony is, you know, months later I go back to Europe and go out with her on sales calls and usually we're at dinner with a, with a customer, and usually I'm the one chatting everybody up at the table, and you know holding court you know this, you know for the summer, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 5: 33:01

And I sat back cause she was the one who really took center stage. She was engaging the group. She was the one laughing, telling jokes, all this energy. And I looked at her and go, who is this girl? And we were on the way home, on the way back to the hotel, and I remember having this conversation with her and she said you know what Z? I'm a different person. This whole change to sales changed my life. She's like and for, and it was. It was a positive change. She said. I used to be the girl at a party that would like be the wallflower, kind of observe everyone, but he's sit on the sideline and now I'm the one walking up to people and introducing myself and making friends. And I mean it was a really heartwarming story because I realized also going back to the benefits how much it can help just bring confidence out in a person yeah, because you're no longer like.

Speaker 5: 33:50

There's not that fear. Yeah, I can?

Speaker 2: 33:52

I can really relate to that because, you know, earlier on in my career I was that person too. I would come to networking events and be in the corner until someone talked to me.

Speaker 2: 34:00

You know, I would never approach somebody else that you know, but then like, the more I did meet people and more confident I got in the industry and being able to hold conversation about the industry and feeling just more confident in general in my career, being able to hold conversation about the industry and feeling just more confident in general in my career Now I it's it's much less scary for me to go up to people I don't know and and start up small talks Right and it goes back to just I think the biggest, easiest piece of advice I can give is is be curious about anything.

Speaker 5: 34:26

You like shoes, you know. I don't know anything that the you know. If I see somebody with a cool backpack, I'm like that is a cool bag, can I ask where you got it? Because I need one, you know whatever. So I mean just something that's curious, that you can find about that that person. And it could be again like if you're just at an industry event and you see their badge and where they're from, and that's a starting point. Or oh, you work for XYZ. I knew somebody that worked there. Did you know this person you know?

Speaker 5: 34:55

so it's just any way you can try to find that entry point and that's what makes the connection absolutely and keeping the connection going is just obviously where that conversation will then lead, and I think, for the biggest that people love talking about themselves, so the biggest thing in a sales call and it's not just about sales. But if you are asking questions, then they're allowing you're allowing them to talk about themselves.

Speaker 3: 35:21

Yeah, and I think, and I think don't. You know I might get in trouble at times for not being serious enough, but but we are selling auto parts here, right? We're in the automotive industry Like we're not brain surgeons, we're not you know, like we're not brain surgeons we're not, you know, curing diseases or anything like that like this is auto parts, right?

Speaker 3: 35:36

so I think sometimes we take emissions. Yeah, we are, we are, we are. Yeah, and technically you probably sell brakes like you're saving people's lives because they're stopping the car, but whatever um safety features.

Speaker 5: 35:44

Yeah, exactly, exactly.

Speaker 3: 35:45

It asks whatever yeah, exactly, but I think like don't, don't. I say it's my team. All the time. It's like don't listen, guys, when they get all like intense too serious. Yeah, don't, don't listen God when they get all like intense, you know a little more lighthearted, like don't take things too seriously, right, it's like you know, take it easy Like we're. You know this is a.

Speaker 5: 35:59

You know it's auto parts right At the end of the day like you know, don't be afraid to that point, is just trying to find ways to get out of your comfort zone.

Speaker 3: 36:21

Yes.

Speaker 5: 36:22

So the Ubers are a great way to practice. So, for somebody that is shy or an introvert, you're just in the car with it most of the time with one person, unless you're riding with somebody. So use it as an area of practice. You're never going to see the people again.

Speaker 3: 36:38

No one's judging you, you know introvert to the people believe you know that, right, like you say oh, I'm an introvert Like. Are you, though? Like who told you to take a Myers Briggs test? That told you what happened? Right, like you know, obviously you and I are pretty uh, people would say gregarious outgoing kind of people say, oh, they probably a little too much, and that was going to be. My point, too, is like we have to be careful because a super introvert.

Speaker 3: 37:02

we got to, you know, dial it back a little bit and as I've gotten older, like that's, one of the things I've kind of learned is like I can totally turn off an introvert and like they're going to just go into a shell, because I'm too much right. I'm too, you know, overpowering from an extrovert Right. So you gotta be really careful and give them that safe space, right, give them the space to to you know, talk or interject or whatever.

Speaker 5: 37:22

The case is you know, to your point break breaking the ice and being lighthearted. The world is heavy.

Speaker 3: 37:27

We all know that.

Speaker 5: 37:28

Yep, the world is very heavy everywhere you look at it right. Especially in the last eight years it's been super heavy, and so I think having that lightheartedness also just brings people. People buy from who they like and people want to spend time with people that are um, kind of make them feel good, sure, and when things aren't so heavy, then it gives the opportunity to be like oh, you know, this was like a breath of fresh air, it was good, good energy, don't we all? We all love good energy, and if somebody's always like, it's always so serious not that the energy is bad, but I think it doesn't allow kind of that. Take a breath you know, just relax like

Speaker 5: 38:10

you know it's, it's your point. It's not that serious, it's all going to work out.

Speaker 3: 38:14

And also I was thinking about this too, you kind of mentioned it in certain cases, like this small talk, there might be someone that you might get something heavy right, you might say something you might get. Like I've had a lot of people in, you know, I think us extroverts, you know we can people talk to us or easy share things easily, right. And you know I've talked to someone like, hey, how's it going today? Oh, like, oh man, like you know, this happened and my dog died. I'm like you know, I'm like oh man, I'm sorry to hear you know, but it could change their day, right, like they just need to get it off their chest. So, you know, it might be helping someone else out, right, even though the small talk, or they're having a terrible day, but that could change their whole day.

Speaker 3: 38:52

And they just got something off their chest. So it's really empowering in that sense that you never know what this small conversation could mean to someone else, someone you'd never see again, even if it is not on the lighthearted side, that's true too.

Speaker 5: 39:07

Or to the opposite end.

Speaker 1: 39:08

That person's having a terrible day and you're like a breath of fresh air because you're coming out smiling.

Speaker 5: 39:14

I mean, there is something like I was saying this the other day. You know, the the world is heavy and when you find people that are kind of had this like a bubbly or kind of good energy and they are smiling a lot innately, it just makes you feel a little bit like oh you know, I can I feel better too. It's contagious. It's contagious, yeah.

Speaker 3: 39:36

I mean, think about this If you didn't know us and you know, Jackie and I were sitting in this room and we weren't saying anything and you came in this room and we're sitting here, like you know, bump on a log.

Speaker 5: 39:46

Andrew, you're in the movie.

Speaker 3: 39:48

And so or we're sitting here like oh yeah, last night with Dr Tom and you know, and our hands are going Like that's a totally different environment right, I know I talk with my hands up.

Speaker 5: 39:57

Yeah, like this whole thing.

Speaker 4: 39:58

It's like what do I do with my hands?

Speaker 2: 40:01

I'm like that's why we went to boom mics, Because everyone kept hitting the table, because we were talking with our hands.

Speaker 3: 40:09

Oh yeah, environment's a lot and again, like I said, I think you can be a breath of fresh air or change the environment that you're in right based on your personality type, and it's a little easier for us outgoing folks. But I read something the other day I could have saw it on social media. But if you do something or practice, I think it's like 18 minutes a day doing anything. You do it every day for a year. You be like in the top five percentile of whatever it is really whether you're cars or golfing or small talk or whatever.

Speaker 3: 40:39

If you were 18 minutes a day, anything, and did it for a year, you'll be in the top 5%, and whatever it is, See, that's a great.

Speaker 5: 40:46

So 18 minutes a day. 18 minutes a day.

Speaker 3: 40:48

They have to practice small talk, whether it's at the grocery store or you're at the, you know your your kids uh, baseball game or whatever water cooler the gym wherever Uber airport. Um, I look forward to being top 5% of podcasters, you're putting your 18 minutes a day.

Speaker 5: 41:05

Yeah, oh, at least. That's a good one, though, cause I'm going to actually remember that. Like what did they say? 21 days makes a habit too, so if something consistently for 21 days as well, but I think that's another good piece of advice I would give is just, if you're going to a networking event and you're kind of scared and you're like I don't, you know, give yourself a goal. Today I have to meet two people.

Speaker 5: 41:28

You know yeah sure, and then maybe every time you are one person, and then the next time it's two, and then three, and then you're giving yourself little goals to reach. And then the more to your point, jackie the more you did it, the more confident you got Cause. That's all you know. Confidence is everything. It attracts people. Other confident people attract other people. If you're confident about anything that you are speaking about, obviously people are going to be more engaged. Same, same sort of thing, yeah.

Speaker 3: 41:59

That's that passion we're talking about earlier. So you find that passion right Once you I don't care how introverted you are If we find that what you're passionate about, whatever it is, they will talk. And sometimes and this is the thing too I've noticed with introverts and those people listening, like, once you get them out of that shell like they're, they're explosive, like they may not shut up for two hours talking about whatever their passion is Right. So once you've kind of peeled the layers back and got to that, you know that that thing that they're passionate about, they'll talk. For, you know, till the cows come home, kind of thing, right. But again, it's trying to to, to get to that that. What is that passion Right? And that's back to kind of what we said earlier. It's just, you know, keep be curious, keep asking questions, right, cause you're going to get some of these introverted people that are going to give you one word responses, right, and so you've got to keep asking, keep asking, keep asking and eventually you'll find something.

Speaker 5: 42:42

Uh, unless they point you know, simple simple questions, get good at it and then kind of build your uh, I guess your your like base of how to keep the cause you. That's the whole point too is how do you keep it going?

Speaker 3: 43:06

Sure.

Speaker 5: 43:07

And so I think they need to practice, with a few questions, whether it's like to your point what do you do when you're not?

Speaker 2: 43:13

working.

Speaker 3: 43:13

It's almost like one question and two follow-ups, right, well, I like to work on cars oh, do you have a project you're working on? Or do you like Mustangs, do you like Camaro's? Do you like Corvettes, like what? You know what I mean. And keep, just keep asking, just keep asking.

Speaker 5: 43:36

You got a project I mean because the small talk leads to. So I told a funny story about meeting a guy who ran for president which was crazy In Panama. In Panama, Last night I was on the plane and I told this to Jackie and the flight attendant was coming down the aisle and he noticed this couple. They were both on each aisle and they were talking.

Speaker 1: 43:49

So he realized they were a couple.

Speaker 5: 43:51

And so he said why aren't you all sitting together? Do you want me to ask them to move so you can sit together? And the girl's like, no, no, no, we like sitting in aisles. And he's like, oh, you like to stretch out your legs? And they were laughing. And then she said, well, funny story. We met nine months ago on a plane, sitting like this, aisle to aisle. Two weeks ago we got married. Small talk, married, isn't that crazy?

Speaker 3: 44:19

And then I have another friend that on a plane, she met her now boss, who got her an entire different industry. Like that was a Microsoft story. That's a great story.

Speaker 5: 44:23

Got her into the tech world and she was not into that whole world at all. So you just, again, never know that where small talk can lead your life, whether it's personally, professionally. Me, I met a good friend in line, ended up in her wedding. I mean, you just never know the people Because, to your point, the six degrees of separation, like all of us, are separated by six degrees. But also, if you're not frequently at a place, for example, how are you going to meet these people? You have to engage wherever you're at.

Speaker 3: 45:00

Well, and think about it too, Like some of these folks, especially in the new environment, post-pandemic.

Speaker 5: 45:04

you know a lot of people's remote work is virtual. They're not going to the office.

Speaker 3: 45:08

They're lacking some of these opportunities, right? So maybe it is the grocery store, Maybe it is the gym, Maybe it is the you know airport or Uber, right? So you're going to have to, you know, take these different opportunities, right.

Speaker 5: 45:19

No, I mean me too.

Speaker 3: 45:20

I mean I'll spare everyone the full details, but almost 20 years ago now, a young lady called me. I was, before I got in the automotive industry, trying to solicit me trade show logistics right, I was a director in sales marketing, I was outside of the automotive, I was on some sort of trade show list, right. Uh, long story short, that's my wife. The first time ever she she called me trying to solicit like trade show logistics you know, ship our.

Speaker 3: 45:43

She's a good salesperson, well I got I'll save the whole thing, but we started talking. I kept, you know, not buying, not buying, not buying and then, ultimately, when I was like hey you know what? Know what you? You've been pretty aggressive. You know I'm a salesman. I was like you've been pretty aggressive. You know I'll give you a shot and this is this is what sold me. She goes, no, and I go. What do you mean?

Speaker 5: 46:07

No, you've been calling me for months trying to get me to buy this. Now you're telling her in.

Speaker 3: 46:11

Absolutely so. So, yeah, but you know, but you never know. Again, it started a small talk, like, literally, if I wouldn't have, you know, maybe made a few comments or made a little small talk, or whatever, in these while she's again trying to, you know, solicit trade show logistics Right, my life would have went different path, you know.

Speaker 5: 46:29

Whatever the case may be right. A friend of mine married the guy who sold her a car.

Speaker 3: 46:33

There you go. You know what I mean. No, absolutely you never know, you never know.

Speaker 4: 46:37

I was like wow.

Speaker 3: 46:39

Listen, you can't come back at us if you're trying to get married and a small talk isn't working for marriage. So we're, not responsible for that Right.

Speaker 5: 46:48

So what are the main takeaways? I think the main one is be curious, give yourself some goals, right. So even if you're very scared or terrified to do it like, find a couple of opening questions that you feel comfortable asking, you know, and give yourself a few goals when you walk into an event or to a room that you want to meet a few people. So that way you can kind of not only that. I mean, we all feel good when we mark things off our to-do list our checklist right, so it gives yourself that opportunity.

Speaker 5: 47:19

And I think the reason I say give yourself goals is because then you force yourself to do it, Because how many times you're like I'm just going to grab a drink.

Speaker 3: 47:28

Hey, why do it today when you can put it off tomorrow, right yeah?

Speaker 5: 47:30

exactly and I think also just be open-minded, because you never know where the small talk will lead you and the benefits of it, whether it's personally or professionally. I think there is an art to it. For Andrew and I, obviously, it comes very naturally, but even for us and you've mentioned this like I need to know when to dial it back, when to you know, pursue more Like I kind of you have to take the social cues. Yes.

Speaker 3: 48:00

That's one of the biggest things is the social cues and reading your surroundings, right, like I was saying, whatever hand you're dealt, whether it's the environment you're in with pictures or whatever's on the wall, but also, you know, having the wherewithal to like. You know this might be someone I really want to connect with, right, but I can see that oh, they're, you know, walking through the hall at AWDA and they need to go to the next meeting because we got five minutes. You know, being conscious that I can't spend 20 minutes talking to this person because we're all busy and moving out, understanding you know that that portion of it and, um, yeah, you know kind of play the hand you're dealt, sort of thing. And I think you know thinking back to these events, like we literally in this industry, have like a networking event at every.

Speaker 3: 48:37

There's a cocktail reception at every freaking every single event, apex takes the cake literally that's what we're there to do, like six a day, like for the specific reason to sit around and talk right with people. You know, and I mean there's so many opportunities again, you know, you gotta be curious. I think. Be curious, you know, asking questions and be organic, right and be intentional, but don't force it, don't rush it, even if it's someone you really want to talk to or build a connection with. That true connection might take a couple conversations, right, it might take months or weeks depending on when you see this person or whatever. But um, you know, the old, old cliche room wasn't built in a day kind of thing, right?

Speaker 3: 49:18

so start small. Maybe you got a couple things. Okay, I know she's in film now next time I talk to z is like we're talking about like la and like you don't need famous people, like have you worked on any movies, like whatever you know, like all these things, like these other questions I can now ask right and that and that's what, also kind of like the pre-flight I mentioned earlier, like especially with you, know these people that you know I guess the highest pool is what building connections or something?

Speaker 3: 49:37

that was the the thing in online do your pre-flight again, because in this industry if we're trying to get a customer or a client or something to connect with, I guarantee you do your research right, someone knows this person and like are they into cars, are they into sports, are they into fishing, are they into film? Right, like you can have something going in knowing that you can kind of lead the conversation a little bit. Right, you know, and so, yeah, do your homework.

Speaker 2: 50:01

Yeah, I kind of think that that would be. My takeaway is actually maybe to the people who find small talk difficult, to the people who find small talk difficult, something that really helps me is LinkedIn. Yeah, because so many people know. You know that I just started a new job that I'm trying out podcasting. You know that they have a.

Speaker 3: 50:18

You're more than trying here. There's like a million dollars of equipment in here. What are we talking about?

Speaker 5: 50:22

Yeah, this is our professional setup.

Speaker 2: 50:23

Yeah, absolutely, you know I put a little bit about my. You know I put that I'm a mom, a working mom, I talk about that. So there's enough things for people to feel comfortable approaching me with small talk. So maybe you guys are talking a lot about the proactive way of getting better at small talk and approaching others. Maybe that's a way to become more approachable too on the other side.

Speaker 3: 50:44

And that's why I like when we started off talking about the background too. What does your background? How can you tell a story about yourself? By what's behind you in the wall right or a few things like that people would talk about or whatever you know and shout out to my man, rob Blitstein. You know he got me hyper-motivated in the pandemic and he had a great setup with these flags it was very presidential looking, I think you remember that.

Speaker 3: 51:06

So you're like, I need that you know I went on my own route but, like it was engaging, I was like, oh man, that's an awesome background, right. And he obviously, you know, took some, took some time to put it together and, uh, you know, it went for a while. Everyone's doing the funny, you know, backgrounds, the moon, or whatever you know that's and that's all well and good but does that really help?

Speaker 1: 51:24

Did you say the moon. Yeah, so random. You know, I'm just a random background.

Speaker 3: 51:30

Yeah, yeah, so, yeah. So I think that's the biggest thing is, you know, if you just stay curious and again you know, play the hand, you're dealt with it, whatever the environment gives you, wherever you're at, you know, again, it's going to change from place to place, but there's clues, right. And even in the car they could have something hanging from the visor, you could see a magazine or they could have whatever it is right. So there's always little clues out there about that person.

Speaker 5: 51:54

I mean being in the automotive industry. A question I always ask is okay, if you could have any dream car, what would it be?

Speaker 1: 51:59

Oh yeah, that's a great one.

Speaker 3: 52:07

And then that kind of starts this you wouldn't. Okay, well, I'd have a driver. No, that is an answer. I'd have a limo. What's your dream car? A limo with a driver. There you go.

Speaker 5: 52:20

Or even just a random question, like a good one is a total icebreaker is, if there's anyone you could ever meet you know, dead or alive, who would it be Right? Because then it tells you a lot about that person and their, their, their interests, whether it's a sports, an athlete, an actor, a politician, I don't know, like somebody in history you know, and it just tells that, it tells you, it kind of lets you in a little bit kind of peeling that layer and I use a similar line of questioning.

Speaker 3: 52:43

I'll say you know, if money wasn't an object and you can do one thing every day for the rest of your, life.

Speaker 5: 52:49

What would it be? Yeah, dream. Right so this is kind of the same thing. What would you do?

Speaker 3: 52:55

Right, right, right. For me it would be I'd be on the water, right, it might be I'd have a boat and I'd be on a beach. Sometimes I might just hang on the boat, sometimes I might be on the beach, but I right that that's that would.

Speaker 5: 53:05

I would do that every day never work like that.

Speaker 3: 53:07

You know, I know that answer and you might have to tease a lot of people but, like you, kind of start to see their wheels turning like right. What would you do every day if money wasn't an object? What would you do I?

Speaker 2: 53:14

literally can't answer that question.

Speaker 3: 53:17

You'd be a podcast teacher.

Speaker 5: 53:20

What are we, I don't know, like, because I like so an advice, some advice I gave to some of my single friends. You know that in la they're, they're like we go to out and we just never meet anybody. And I said, well, where do you guys sit when you go to dinner? I get the table sit at the bar.

Speaker 5: 53:33

Yes, absolutely even if you're together, just sit at the bar because you can. Worst case, when I travel alone, I always sit at the bar because at least I can talk to the bartender. I don't feel so alone. And then, of course, innately, I'm going to meet friends at the bar. You're just going to meet people while you're having dinner and having a drink, but I tell my friends that as well because, again, it's an area and a place for them to engage in small talk. That's good advice. You're not going to do that if you're just sitting at the table with each other.

Speaker 5: 53:58

Of course, you're not going to meet anybody, and here's something it kind of sounds silly, but it's like Z, we're sitting at the bar now and we're meeting people. I'm like, okay, we have to go where the people are.

Speaker 3: 54:17

And something that brought something else up to mind is like when you think about when you go into a room like a bar, or go into a big room full of people, like as humans, like our natural inclination is like to hurry up and run to, like somewhere we know or whatever.

Speaker 2: 54:25

Correct.

Speaker 3: 54:33

So what I do? I call it the sprinkler. We just seriously. I turned this 20 years ago, so so basically it's like giving off or like stop in that doorway for a minute, right at the bar or in the just wait, or in the room, in the room, and just stop for a second because what's gonna? What happens when someone enters the room, whatever room you're in? What happens everybody?

Speaker 5: 54:41

looks everybody looks right.

Speaker 3: 54:42

But but what does everyone want to do? They want to get their head down. They want to. They want to go get out of that spotlight right. Stay in that shine for a second.

Speaker 5: 54:49

I would encourage no, no, seriously, Stay in that shine. I like that, Just stay in there for a second. Because what's?

Speaker 3: 54:53

going to happen? Is you're going to make eye contact with people, right? You might kind of you know, I kind of survey the room, if you will. Right, For that specific reason.

Speaker 5: 55:12

Yeah, you know so.

Speaker 3: 55:13

So you can kind of take in the room if you will, and the room can take you in Right and instead of just like hurrying to hustle to get out of the spotlight.

Speaker 5: 55:19

That's a really to a networking dinner at work like a work function.

Speaker 5: 55:30

You said it perfectly you tend to flock to the table where you know people. I forced myself many times to go to a table I know no one and I'm like, can I do you mind if I sit here? Is anybody here? And then I just start engaging and I've made business contacts, got customers. I mean you wouldn't want to talk about small talk. I mean you want to talk about small talk. I mean during the pandemic we couldn't see customers right, so we had to get sales.

Speaker 3: 55:55

You guys couldn't. We're in Georgia. We don't know what a pandemic is.

Speaker 5: 56:00

We were still seeing customers, but we had to learn how to engage via LinkedIn to. You know, it's kind of like cold calling but cold messaging, but it kind of goes back to the art of small talk, Cause you have to have a good opener because nobody's going to read your message, Right? So it's like what does?

Speaker 3: 56:17

what does a whale way enough to break the ice? Thank you, JC.

Speaker 5: 56:27

That's making it in. Well, this was great guys. Thank you so much. That's making it in.

Speaker 2: 56:29

Well, this was great guys. Thank you so much. I learned a lot. I think this was probably really helpful for people.

Speaker 5: 56:35

Okay, good. No we yeah, hopefully we didn't shot them to death.

Speaker 2: 56:38

I didn't have to do much at all. I just kind of sat and watched you guys chat. It was nice.

Speaker 3: 56:42

Hey, that's probably easy. But no, I know Izzy and I talked about this. We talked about it Like I'd be glad to talk with anybody about this, like after the fact.

Speaker 5: 56:48

Obviously we're out there on LinkedIn. Like if someone says hey, something resonated with them, like I'd be glad to you know, meet anyone or talk, you know, on a one-on-one basis or whatever, with anyone who's curious about you know becoming better, me too. Because I think, jackie, one thing that opened up, you're just natural at chatty being chatty Kathy and chatty Chuck.

Speaker 2: 57:08

here that's our new, that's our new we need a show with chatty Kathy and chatty Chuck.

Speaker 5: 57:18

But when you're naturally chatty, you don't think about a process because it's just happening organically. So when you asked me to do this, I said what do I do? Yeah, Like, what do I do?

Speaker 2: 57:30

Yeah.

Speaker 5: 57:31

And I started to think about it and that's when I had said to you I said, yeah, I'll walk in a room and I'll say, hey, do you mind if I put my drink here? Do you mind? Is anybody sitting here? Can I, you know, mind if I have my dinner here as well? And just try to get to know people. The other thing I've done really that was helpful one time is I was looking for a specific buyer in a room and I'd seen this person's picture on LinkedIn because I did my homework. Yeah, and I always look too to see if they did any posts right. What do they post about? You've done a fantastic job of kind of showing your personal life too and your personality, which I know has been a very controversial thing about LinkedIn. Right, it's not Facebook, it's not Facebook, it's not Instagram, but I think that's what you've done has been really smart because people feel like they know you right.

Speaker 5: 58:15

Thank you, yeah, and that's the whole thing with celebrities, right? So they'll say people think they know celebrities because they always see them in the spotlight, they're seeing them at these events, they see them in interviews. But you've done a great job of that and so I'm more and more trying to. I'll do my research on LinkedIn. I'll see if they've posted anything. Did they talk about anything personal or whatever, even if it's work, or they traveled somewhere cool that I want to talk about? And I saw this person in a room. I saw the name badge and I was. I was talking to somebody I knew because it was the comfort zone you know, you're laughing, chatting it up and I literally said to that person. I said, hey, I got to go, walked up to this man didn't know me. I said I've been looking for you all day and he goes. Really who?

Speaker 1: 58:55

are you and?

Speaker 5: 58:56

it just. But the way I approached him he thought it was funny. I mean, at first he was kind of a little thrown off and we started joking, but it was just a little silly icebreaker.

Speaker 3: 59:08

Sure.

Speaker 5: 59:08

And sometimes you can just do that.

Speaker 3: 59:10

Silly icebreaker and similarly. I use a similar thing, like if I know, like, let's say, there's a group of folks talking, maybe Jackie's there with four other people that I don't know, right, and I'll walk up and be like hey, how do you guys know this idiot? Right, you're like this is real, you know what I mean Like you know it's a great way to break the ice and I know I already have a relationship with her or whoever, so you can kind of use that. You know it's lighthearted, but you know they're laughing.

Speaker 5: 59:35

What's your connection? That's a great one, yeah, because?

Speaker 3: 59:37

you have a group of three or four people.

Speaker 4: 59:44

You probably know one of them of here, Well, you all heard the invite.

Speaker 2: 59:48

Connect with them on LinkedIn. They're happy to talk to you, give you any more tips and advice. Thank you guys, so much for being here.

Speaker 5: 59:53

Oh, thanks for having us, thanks for having us, thank you very much.

Speaker 1: 59:55

Thank you very much. Thanks for tuning in to another episode of Auto Care On Air. Make sure to subscribe to our podcast so that you never miss an episode, and don't forget to leave us a rating and review. It helps others discover our show. Auto Care On Air is proud to be a production of the Auto Care Association, dedicated to advancing the auto care industry and supporting professionals like you. To learn more about the association and its initiatives, visit autocareorg.